The Hard Decision
by Numb3rsfan
Summary: Friends turn against friends, forcing Johnny to make a hard decision. COMPLETE!
1. Leaving the Station

**The Hard Decision**

By

**Numb3rsfan**

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Angst, H/C

Disclaimer: I don't own Emergency.

Summary: Friends turn against friends, forcing Johnny to make a hard decision.

E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!

Chapter One: Leaving the Station

The minute John Gage stepped in to the day room at Station 51, he could tell that it was going to be a hard shift; in fact, harder than usual.

His eyes went to Mike Stoker, the engineer and over all quiet one of Station 51. Mike, whose back was half way towards Johnny, shifted in his seat so that his whole entire back was facing towards Johnny, making it evidently clear that the engineer was angry.

Next Johnny looked at Marco who glared at him for a second before folding his arms and leaving the day room.

Glancing over at Chet, Johnny was shocked when he simply gave him the Italian salute before mouthing an expletive at him.

Mouth slowly opening, Johnny had to clamp it shut before he turned and looked to Roy who made a point of burying his face in the open newspaper.

"Alright…what'd I do this time?" Johnny asked in to the silence of the room.

When he spoke, everyone gave him the _'You have got to be kidding me'_ look before returning to what they had been doing.

"Come on…I obviously screwed something up. Tell me what I did." Johnny said again.

Finally Marco of all people couldn't take it anymore, so he snatched the paper away from Roy and walked over to Johnny.

"You want to know what you did wrong?! Read page 7!" Marco said angrily, shoving the paper at Johnny.

Swallowing, Johnny took the paper and opened it up to page 7.

He didn't have to ask which part on page seven, because the whole page was devoted to a rescue that had gone bad…really bad.

Looking at the picture that was on the side of the page, Johnny instantly recognized the accident. It was one of the many accidents that Station 51 had responded to the previous shift.

As Johnny read what was written, his mind went back to the accident.

It had been a simple 2 story house fire with 4 victims. A mother, father and two little boys.

They had gotten the mother, father and one of the boy's out, but Johnny who had the other boy, got his air tank caught up on something.

He stayed in the house to long, trying to get his air tank loose, because the next thing he knew, the house had exploded and he and the boy were being dropped down in to the burning abyss.

Johnny had landed in a small crevice, but the boy had impaled himself on a piece of burning wood.

Making his way out of the burning rubble, John told them all what happened, but the parents started screaming at him, accusing him of killing their little boy, and Johnny friend's and shift mates didn't do a thing to back him up, because they were all agreeing with the parents.

They all thought that if Johnny had just shrugged out of the air tank, he could have gotten himself and the boy out alive, maybe with a bit of smoke inhalation, but that would have been better than the boy dying!

Of course, no one said a thing as they packed up.

Roy, for Johnny's benefit, rode with the parents and the living boy all the way to Rampart General, to make sure they were ok.

Johnny just kept his mouth shut as he took the Squad to the hospital and then when Roy came out, he took them to the Station.

The vision fading, Johnny lowered the paper and looked at his friends.

"Guys, come on. I did the best I could." He said.

"Your best…" Chet began, but Roy cut him off by saying, "Your best wasn't good enough. It was nowhere near good enough!"

That remark caught Johnny completely off guard as he shot his friend a hurt look.

"What are you saying?" Johnny asked, bringing up his hard exterior, making it look like the harsh words weren't affecting him.

"I'm saying that if you had done your job correctly then that boy would be alive today! Face the facts Johnny…you murdered that little boy!" Roy said angrily.

"That's a lie and you know it! If you were in my shoes…" Johnny began.

"If I were in your shoes I would have dropped the air tank and would have gotten my butt out of the house with my victim!" Roy countered.

"So what do you want from me? I can't bring the kid back!" Johnny said, dropping the paper and raising his arms up a bit.

"No…but you can leave this station."

Everyone turned to see Captain Hank Stanley standing in the entrance to the day room, with Craig Brice standing beside him.

"As of right now you are suspended from duty without pay." Hank said, glaring down at his junior paramedic with distain.

"But…" Johnny began, but he stopped himself from saying anything else as everyone walked past him and stood by their captain and Brice.

"Yeah, and as it stands now _'Junior'_," Roy began, making sure to sneer the 'Junior' part, "Brice may be a stuck up, know it all paramedic, but he's no killer. And right now, I'd much rather work with him than with you!"

At that, John's jaw dropped and his eyes lost their focus for a minute before they came back.

Shutting his mouth, John took a step back towards the exit door.

"Wait a minute Gage." Captain Stanley said, addressing Johnny by his last name, "Get all of the things from your locker before you leave. And I do mean everything, including that revolting poster!"

What Cap said suggested to Johnny that they all were intent on getting him transferred, if not fired from the force.

Lowering his head a little, Johnny was forced to squeeze past them all as he entered the locker room.

Taking the shoe box that was so conveniently placed on the bench in front of his locker, Johnny opened up the locker and emptied the small trinkets in to the box. Then he turned to his Smoky Bear poster.

Raising a hand, Johnny began to pick at the tape that held the corners down, but he only succeeded in ripping the poster in two.

Since the poster was now ruined, Johnny had no choice, so he ripped the poster out, piece by piece and put the pieces in the trash.

Going back to his locker, Johnny took his two uniforms and his extra pair of shoes in hand before he closed the door with his foot.

With is locker door shut, Johnny shifted his shoes to the arm that was holding his extra uniforms.

Now with one hand free, Johnny picked up his box of stuff before heading to the parking lot.

Getting to his Rover, Johnny opened the door and slid in, carefully setting everything on the passenger seat.

Shutting the door, Johnny put the key in to the ignition and turned it, hearing the familiar roar of his engine firing up.

After getting his seatbelt on, Johnny looked once again at the Station that he had begun to call his second home, to see Mike, Marco, Chet, Roy, Cap and Craig Brice standing at the front door, arms folded, glaring at him.

Sadly sighing, Johnny put his Rover in to reverse and backed out of the parking space.

Next he put the rover in to D and drove out of the parking lot.

He didn't know where he was going or what he was going to do.

Going home wasn't all that appealing, and going to Rampart wouldn't do any good either.

Heck, for all he knew, Dixie, Drs. Bracket, Early and Morton might agree with everyone else!

After driving for an hour, Johnny finally allowed his resolve to collapse.

Pulling in to a vacant lot which housed only a trash bin, Johnny put his Rover in park before lowering his head as the tears started falling.

What everyone had said back at the station had hurt, and Roy's comments had hurt so bad that Johnny had thought that he had been stabbed in the gut.

He couldn't believe that they could blatantly accuse him of killing that kid.

Johnny had done his job to the best of his ability.

The only reason he had stayed in the house instead of dropping his air tank, was the fact that the boy had been barely breathing and his air tank and air mask were providing the life giving oxygen that the boy sorely needed.

When his air tank had gotten stuck in the low hanging debris, Johnny actually had thought of leaving his air tank, but then his medical training told him that the boy wouldn't make it outside without the oxygen, so Johnny had begun trying to free the tank.

But by then it was too late and the house had exploded because of some sort of gas leak.

However, Johnny knew that none of it mattered now. His career was basically over with. His 'friends' would see to that.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Johnny thought, _'Might as well save them some time!'_ Reaching in to his glove box, Johnny withdrew a single piece of white paper before taking out his green pen.

Slowly and tearfully Johnny wrote down his letter of resignation.

He didn't give much of a reason, other than he believed that it was best.

Johnny made sure not to mention the accident, his friends or Station 51 at all.

After signing the letter, Johnny put it in his pocket before grabbing his spare uniforms and his spare pair of shoes.

Getting out of his rover, Johnny walked over to the dumpster.

Opening the lid, Johnny dropped the uniforms and the shoes in, before his hand went up to his name badge and the small fire department badge.

Slowly he took those off as well and tossed them in before he shut the lid to the trash bin.

Looking down, Johnny realized he still had on his paramedic uniform, so he unbuttoned the blue, short sleeved shirt and took it off.

He fingered the material for a moment before he shoved it in to the trash bin.

Turning, Johnny walked across the street to the small little post office where he bought an envelope and a single stamp.

Quickly he addressed the envelope to HQ before putting his letter in and sealing the envelope.

Placing the stamp of the envelope, Johnny then handed the letter to the teller who was behind the desk, before he turned and left the small post office.

Going back across the street, Johnny got back in to his Rover and continued on, heading for the desert.


	2. Waiting to die and Waiting to Live

**The Hard Decision**

Chapter Two: Waiting to die and Waiting to Live.

Johnny kept driving farther and farther into the desert. He really had no idea how much distance he had put between himself and the nearest town, which was called Ambrosia.

Finally, however he was forced to stop when his Rover overheated, which subsequently happened when he also ran out of gas.

Slowly the Rover pulled to a stop, yet Johnny made no move to get out. He just sat there in the driver's seat, hands gripping the steering wheel as smoke poured out from underneath the hood.

Breathing in, Johnny coughed because of the acrid smell of something burning, perhaps the coolant in the tank.

Slowly Johnny took off his seatbelt and exited the Rover.

He glanced around, not recognizing anything except the white, hot sand which was all the eye could see from every direction, except maybe a few cacti here and there.

Sighing, Johnny just picked a direction, determined to get himself as lost as possible.

If his friends ever came to their senses about the incident, Johnny wanted to make damn sure that he wasn't easily found.

Turning, Johnny only made it two steps away from his Rover when it blew up…literally!

The small shockwave was enough to knock Johnny off of his feet and on to the hot sand, as a burning pain made itself known all along his back.

Having no other choice, Johnny quickly turned over on to his burning back and managed to get the flames out, but by then he was in so much pain that he didn't want to move, however he knew that it was to dangerous to stay by what was left of his Rover.

Whimpering a little, Johnny slowly climbed on to his feet and hobbled off.

He had no idea in which direction he was headed. In fact he didn't know much of anything at all.

As he hobbled, his burnt flesh yelled out at him, begging him to just be still, but Johnny ignored that call. He just kept moving forward, but what he didn't know was that embedded in his back, near his spinal cord was a small piece of shrapnel from his Rover.

E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!

Five hours later…

A very dusty, dirty John Gage fell to his knees as the cold, night air of the desert hit him.

He had been sweating like a pig earlier, but now not a single bead of sweat could be seen on his features.

Dimly he knew that he was extremely dehydrated and that he _had_ to have water soon or risk passing out and dying, which definitely was not on his list of things to do.

Slowly he crawled forward on his hands and knees, determined to press on, but before he could move much further, the sand around him started to trickle downwards. Slowly at first then it started to pick up speed and intensity.

Not understanding what was happening; Johnny just stopped and watched before he felt himself losing his grip on the sand.

Almost as if in slow motion, Johnny fell backwards on to his back, pushing the metal fragment further in to his back, before he started to slide downwards in to the darkness.

E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!

Dr. Kelly Brackett rubbed his face as he sat in his office, every once in a while glancing at the clock on the wall.

He had already finished checking up on the patients that were in the hospital, so now all he had to do was wait for the autopsy report on the little boy who had died at the house fire.

Earlier in the day, when Squad 51 came in, bringing a heart attack victim, Kel was surprised to see that Roy and Brice were paired up instead of Roy and Johnny.

When the crisis had ended, Kel questioned Roy and learned Johnny had been suspended without pay because of what had happened. He also learned that every single man on the A-shift of Station 51 were working very hard to get Johnny fired.

This Kel couldn't understand. Sure Johnny made some mistakes sometimes while on the job, but everybody did. They were all human and prone to make mistakes.

Kel knew that the autopsy could take awhile because the body was badly burned, not to mention the puncture wound on his chest, but hopefully Kel could shed some light as to why Johnny had decided to remain in the house instead of getting the boy out.

Kel's reverie broke when there was a tap on his office door.

Looking up, Kel saw Dr. Early and Dixie enter the room. In Dixie's hands was a folder.

"Here it is Kel," Dixie said, handing the folder to Dr. Brackett, who took it and opened it up, "Luke Hayden's autopsy report."

Sighing, Kel read the first few lines before he stopped and read a single portion very, very slowly.

Finally he looked up at Dr. Early who nodded his head, obviously having already seen the report.

"That's right Kel. Johnny did the right thing. If he had removed the mask and the air tank then the boy would not have made it out alive." Dr. Early said.

"It's just bad luck that his air tank caught on the debris, otherwise the boy would be alive, and none of this would have ever happened." Kel said, putting the file down on his desk.

"Kel, what do you plan to do? All of the men at Station 51 are trying to get Johnny fired over this. You should tell them…and Johnny." Dixie said, seeing Kel furrow his brow in thought.

"That's easier said than done Dix. Sure I could tell his friends, but would they believe it?" Kel began.

"And Johnny. He's the wildcard. We have no idea what he did when he left the station." Dr. Early put in.

Rising up, Kel said, "What we should first do is alert the police, have them start looking for Johnny while I go and talk to everyone else."

Dixie and Joe both nodded their heads before turning and leaving the office to go phone the police, while Kel shrugged out of his doctor's coat and in to his light jacket.

Next he grabbed the folder and headed out the door.

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Kel pulled in to a parking space at Station 51 before he killed the engine to his car and glanced at his watch.

"7:30" he muttered to himself before he grabbed the folder and got out of his car.

Closing his car door, Kel walked to the front door of the Station and tapped on the door.

He waited several seconds before the door opened to reveal Mike Stoker looking back at him with a semi confused look.

"Ah…Dr. Brackett." Mike said before he opened the door and allowed the good doctor to enter into the day room.

Everyone who had been at the table chatting while Cap cooked their dinner turned around when they heard Mike say "Dr. Brackett."

Everyone rose from their seat when Kel approached them with a serious look on his face.

"What brings you here, Dr. Brackett?" Roy asked, having a gut feeling that he already knew the reason.

"I think you all know why I'm here." Kel said, looking at them all.

With a sigh, Cap said, "John Gage."

Nodding his head, Kel put the file down on the table while Cap continued talking.

"I was notified by headquarters a little while ago. Gage sent in his letter of resignation, and it was accepted."

Kel wanted to cringe at that, but he managed not to as he opened the file before sliding it over towards Roy, who was about the only person who could make sense of it.

As Roy was reading the report, Dr. Brackett said, "It's an autopsy report for the boy who died at that fire."

"We don't need an autopsy report to tell us that Gage screwed up!" Chet said, receiving nods from Mike and Marco.

"That's just the thing…" Kel Brackett began, when Roy softly said, "He didn't."

All eyes turned to Roy who raised his head with a shocked and embarrassed look on his face.

"Johnny didn't screw up." Roy said quietly.

"What do you mean? He didn't screw up?" Cap said, turning off the oven and approaching the table.

"The little boy was already pretty far gone when you reached the scene. Johnny immediately started O2, which kept the boy alive, but in the process, his air tank got caught." Kel began.

"We know that!" Chet said.

"But what you didn't know was that if Johnny had done what you thought he should have done; remove the air mask and tank, the boy would have been dead before he even stepped foot outside. Johnny stayed behind trying to get the air tank loose because he knew this. He did not kill that boy." Kel said.

After he finished speaking every single fireman at that station hung their heads in shame. None of them knew what to do to make the situation right.

Finally Mike of all people said, "We gotta find Johnny and apologize."

"Not to mention trying to get his job back." Marco put in.

Everyone nodded their heads at this.

"Doc, what can we do?" Roy asked, looking up at his friend.

"Hope and pray that Johnny didn't do anything stupid, other than resigning." Kel said before he turned and left the station.


	3. Faith

**The Hard Decision**

Chapter Three: Faith

Fiery pain brought Johnny back to the land of the living. Opening his eyes he found himself half buried in the sand.

Because of this, and the new shape of the slope, he was half protected from the blazing sun which was now high in the sky.

Grunting, Johnny tried to sit up, but the pain in his back became too much for him, so he quickly gave up trying. However, all of a sudden the pain vanished, leaving his back numb.

Johnny blinked, utterly confused at this new turn of events.

'_Ok…that can't be good.'_ He thought to himself.

Grimacing, Johnny tried once again to sit up and this time he was successful in sitting up halfway.

Looking down at his legs which were buried in the sand, John tried to move them.

When the sand didn't give the slightest implication of movement, John tried again with the same results.

Swallowing, Johnny clawed at the sand covering one of his legs.

After moving most of it off a small portion of his leg, Johnny tried to move the leg again, with the same results.

What worried John was that he was watching his leg as he tried to move it, and there was no sign of muscle activity in the leg.

'_Oh no…I can't be par…'_ Johnny began to think, but his thought process was interrupted when his back exploded into pain, causing Johnny to flop back down in amazement as full feeling returned to his back and legs.

For the first time in his life, Johnny was well and truly scared; scared that he might die alone and in pain.

Laying his head back down, Johnny shut his eyes and tried to relax as much as possible. It was clear to him that he wouldn't be going anywhere without any assistance.

'_Oh sure. Like they are going to be looking for me.'_ He painfully thought to himself as the sun continued to shine down on his location.

E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!

Everyone at Station 51 were standing up and pacing all around the day room.

They all passed by the phone every half minute, hoping that it would ring, bringing them some news about their friend.

After Dr. Brackett had left, Captain Stanley had contacted HQ, taking them out of service, as well as talking with his boss about Johnny's letter of resignation.

The paperwork terminating Johnny's job in the force had already been completed, just not filed and it wouldn't be filed until the following morning. However, none of them had the authorization to get the paperwork destroyed. Only Johnny had that power.

If only they could find him and convince him not to give up his job!

A loud banging sound caused Roy to look up just in time to see Chet hit the wall with his fists a second time.

"Man he told us…explained to us what he did and why, we just… we just didn't believe him." Chet said, shaking his head.

"I was just so sure…so sure of Johnny's guilt I…I didn't stop to think about the fact that…well you know." Mike said, keeping his eyes downcast.

"Look guys, talking about this isn't going to change that fact that we screwed up. We let Johnny down badly, and now he's out there somewhere doing who knows what. Hell, he could be in trouble." Roy said.

"You don't think he jumped off a building, do you?" Marco asked, looking at Roy.

Roy thought about Marco's question for a moment before he shook his head and replied, "No. I know Johnny. When he gets angry or depressed he goes looking for a quiet place to think. Usually the mountains. He never thinks about suicide."

Seconds later Mike snapped his fingers, realizing something significant with what Roy had said.

"What if that's it?!" He said.

"What if what's it?" Roy asked, scrunching his eyebrows as he looked at the engineer.

"What you said! Johnny heads off to a quiet place! What if he went to the mountains like you said?" Mike asked.

Roy shook his head at that before he said, "No, Johnny's stuff is still at my house from the last time he and I went camping a month ago. There is no way he would go off to the mountains without collecting his gear."

"Ok," Captain Stanley began, sliding in to a chair at the table, "Let's think about this. When Johnny's upset he heads for a quiet place so he can think."

"Right." Roy replied.

"He didn't head off to the mountains." Captain Stanley said almost as an afterthought, even though he had been listening to the prior conversation.

"Right. He doesn't have his gear, plus if he was really angry, he wouldn't want to be easy to track down." Roy said.

"Well, I'd say he was really angry!" Chet supplied, getting looks from everyone present.

"Where else would Johnny go? You know him better than any of us, Roy." Cap said, glancing at his chief paramedic.

"That doesn't make me an expert!" Roy replied, glancing back at his captain.

Sighing, Roy went to the couch and flopped down in to it as his mind went over every little tidbit that he knew about his young partner.

"Well," Roy said after a minute, "He did say something about wanting to go to Ambrosia."

"Ambrosia? Where's that?" Chet asked.

"I'm not sure exactly. Over 150 miles from here; in the desert somewhere. He said he had a cousin or something who lived in or near Ambrosia. But that was 2 months ago." Roy said.

"It's worth checking out. I'll go call Vince, see if he can get anyone out that way." Cap said as he rose up and headed for his office.

When Cap had left the room, Roy stood up and headed for the locker room, muttering something.

A few minutes later he came back dressed in civilians clothing, his car keys in hand.

"Where are you going?" Marco asked.

"I'm not just going to sit around here and wait, Marco. Johnny's out there somewhere…and he's hurt. It's partly my fault so I'm going to go out and start looking. Captain Stanley took us out of service so we don't have to worry about any runs." Roy said.

Everyone then looked at each other before they stood up, fully preparing to go get dressed and head on out with Roy, when Captain Stanley re entered the room.

"Where are you heading off to, Roy?" He asked.

"To go look for Johnny." Roy replied, turning around to face his captain.

"Well put your uniform back on before you leave. I've just received word from HQ; they've given us permission to go out and search for Johnny in Ambrosia." Captain Stanley said.

"But…don't they know that it's out of LA County? We're not certified to treat anyone outside of the county!" Roy said.

"I know that, you know that and HQ knows that, but they told me that they'll accept the responsibility if anyone questions us. I also contacted the hospital. Dr. Brackett said that he'd be able to authorize any IV's you might need." Captain Stanley said.

Hearing this, Roy turned and jogged back to the locker room, throwing his uniform back on in record time before he raced back out and joined the others.

As one they all filed in to the bay and headed for their vehicles, which were all gassed up and ready to go.

After shrugging in to his turnout coat, Captain Stanley grabbed the mic from the engine, pressed the button on the side and said, "LA, Engine 51. Notify HQ that Station 51 will be leaving authorized jurisdiction in 1 hour. Repeat, notify HQ that Station 51 will be leaving authorized jurisdiction in 1 hour."

"10-4 Station 51." Came LA's response.

Putting the mic back on it's little hook, Captain Stanley donned his hat as Mike pulled Big Red out on to the street, following the Squad as they headed out of town, towards the small town of Ambrosia.

E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!

Author's Notes: Ok, I know that in real life this would not happen, and it probably wouldn't happen in the show either, but hey this is 'fiction' so many things are possible.

Also, please note that the town 'Ambrosia' is not my idea. It comes from the Focus on the Family series, The Last Chance Detectives.


	4. Finding Johnny

**The Hard Decision**

Chapter Four: Finding Johnny

Roy tapped his fingers on the steering wheel of the squad as he passed the small, dusty sign that said 'Welcome to Ambrosia. Population 70.'

Glancing in the side mirror, Roy made sure that the engine was right behind him, which it was, before he pressed on.

Deciding that the first thing they should do was check with the local police, Roy headed for the police station.

It wasn't hard to find since the town was so small. Another plus was that Vince Howard, an LA cop and their friend had called ahead to the Ambrosia police and had told them that Station 51 was coming out to search for their friends, and to aid them if at all possible.

Pulling in to the parking lot of the small station, Roy pulled the squad to a stop, right beside a police officer who wore a grim look.

"You must be Roy DeSoto." The officer said before he turned and watched the big engine come to a halt right behind the squad.

"That's right, officer. Have you heard or found anything?" Roy asked, not seeing the rest of the crew clamor off of the engine and come crowding around the officer on both sides.

"I'm sorry to say that we didn't find your missing man, but we did find the remains of his vehicle." The officer said.

"R…what do you mean, 'remains'?" Roy asked, fear clenching at his gut.

"Two hours ago Parkins found what was left of a burned vehicle. Parkins ID'd it as a Rover, and he ran the license plate. It was a match for your friend's vehicle." The officer said.

"What do you think happened, officer?" Captain Stanley asked.

"From what we were able to gather, we believe that the vehicle may have overheated and caught fire. The gas fumes in the tank may have caused the vehicle to explode." The officer replied.

"Oh my God." Chet murmured, praying like heck that Johnny had not been in his Rover when it exploded.

Glancing at Chet for a moment, Captain Stanley returned his attention to the officer as he asked, "Where did it explode?"

"About 30 miles out of town, that way." The officer pointed straight ahead in the direction of the setting sun.

"Thank you for your help." Captain Stanley said, before he turned to Roy.

"Let's check it out. Hopefully if Johnny wasn't caught in the explosion he'd be somewhere close by."

Nodding his head, Roy replied, "Right Cap," before he fired up the Squad's engine and pulled away from the police station, while the rest of the men scrambled over to the engine.

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Within 45 minutes, the Squad and the Engine pulled to a stop. Up ahead was a big, black mark on the ground, with a POLICE, DO NOT CROSS tape all around it.

Killing the engine to the Squad, Roy climbed out and walked over to the tape, being joined shortly by the others.

"Looks like it burned for awhile." Chet said, looking at the ground.

"Must have burned itself out." Mike replied after a minute.

Roy however didn't say anything, still feeling quite guilty for the way he had treated Johnny.

'_And, even if we find him and he's ok, there's no guarantee that he's going to come back to work, or even if he would want to come back… least after the way we treated him.'_ Roy thought, fearing the worst; that Johnny was already dead, or that he would never forgive them for not believing him.

"OVER HERE!"

Roy jumped, being quite startled as he looked over at Mike who was kneeling down on the ground.

Quickly standing up, Roy ran over to Mike to see what he had found.

"It's Johnny's watch! There's also a bit of blood on the ground, leading off that way." Mike said, gesturing to the right.

"Least we know that he was alive, and survived the blast." Marco said, looking at the watch in Mike's hands.

"Yeah…he _was_ alive then, but what about now?" Roy asked, glancing at Marco for a minute.

"Well guys, don't just stand there, let's keep searching! We still have about an hour's worth of daylight!" Cap said before he headed for the engine.

The rest of the guys didn't need to be told twice, because they all ran for the engine, save Roy who ran for the squad.

Clamoring in, the vehicles were fired up before they began to move in the direction the blood droplets had been going.

E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!E!

Roy was going through worst case scenarios in his mind as he drove, because he wasn't sure what he was going to find at the end of the road.

As he thought about it, all of the rude remarks and the many times that he had yelled at Johnny, came unbidden in to his mind, making him blush with embarrassment.

"_He's the worlds biggest jerk of a time. He blows everything out of proportion and everything has to be about him! I'm sick of it!"_

"_You know Johnny; sometimes I wish that we weren't partners!"_

"_If you drop dead tomorrow it'll be the best day of my life!"_

"_I don't want to see you; I don't want to know you. Leave me alone and don't come back!"_

That last one Roy remembered quite well because he had said that to Johnny three weeks ago at the station. Johnny had poked his nose in to Roy's business one time to many and Roy had let him have it, especially when his wife, Joanne had threatened to kick Roy out of the house because Johnny had involved himself!

He remembered the pained expression on Johnny's face as he had left the day room, and for the rest of that shift neither of them had talked. It wasn't until the next shift that Roy had apologized and their friendship became as strong as ever.

Seeing a steep, sandy slope up ahead, Roy slowed down and turned the squad a little more to the right so he would miss the slope and not risk sliding down it.

However, the second he turned, he saw something up ahead, half buried in the sand.

Getting closer, Roy realized with fear that it was a body; a body that was unmoving.

Swallowing his fear, Roy grabbed the mic and pressed the button. "Engine 51, Squad 51." He said.

"Go ahead Squad 51." Cap said from the engine.

"Cap, I think we found him! He's just up ahead." Roy said, slowly down a little more.

"10-4." Cap replied a second later.

Dropping the mic, Roy finally brought the squad to a stop, put it in park and jumped out of the vehicle.

Looking at the figure before him, Roy saw that it was Johnny; but he was in bad shape.

He was quite pale, even though a bad sunburn was evident, plus there was a lot of dried blood on the ground.

Quickly Roy snapped in to action, going to the side of the squad and opening up one of the compartments. Smoothly he grabbed the biophone, EKG and drugbox before hurrying back over to his partner, who hadn't moved an inch since they had arrived.

Glancing back over his shoulder, Roy saw Chet running to the squad to fetch the IV box, while Mike, Cap and Marco made their way over to Johnny.

Turning his attention back to the task at hand, Roy reached out and touched Johnny's neck, feeling for a pulse.

When he was silent for a few minutes, Cap asked, "Is he alive?"

Roy was silent for a few more seconds before he said, "Yeah he's alive, but barely. We've got to get him out of here."

Gently Roy managed to sit Johnny up just enough so that he could take a look at his back.

It was in bad shape, being covered in cuts, burns and blood.

Laying Johnny back down, Roy quickly got a BP, checked his pulse and heart rate and his pupil reaction before turning to the biophone, which Cap had gotten all set up.

Grabbing the receiver, Roy put it to his ear before saying, "Rampart, this is Squad 51, do you read?"

He waited five seconds before he repeated the message.

Another five seconds later, Dr. Kelly Brackett's voice could be heard, even though it wasn't crystal clear because they were way out of the LA county.

"Go ahead, Squad 51."

"Rampart we have a 26 year old male suffering from second degree burns and heat exhaustion. There is also a large gash on his lower back. His vital signs are: BP 40/60, heart rate 30, plus weak and thready. Pupils unequal and unreactive."

"51, Start patient on 2 bags of Ringer's Lactate TKO and 12 liters of O2. Also cover the burns with a clean sheet and transport to the nearest hospital as soon as you can." Kel said.

"10-4 Rampart. 2 bags of Ringers TKO, 12 liters O2, clean sheets and transport." Roy recited as he got the IV's started.

Putting the biophone down, Roy finished up with the IV's before he grabbed the oxygen mask and slipped it over Johnny's nose and mouth, while Cap and Marco gently wrapped Johnny's burned back in a clean emergency blanket.

"Roy, we'll transport him on the back of the squad. Chet, Marco you stay with John." Cap said, standing up.

"Chet, get the stokes." Roy ordered after making sure everything was set.

"Sure." Chet replied as he stood up straight and ran for the engine, grabbing the metal stokes.

When he got back, it took every single person to gently lift Johnny up and place him in the stokes.

Then they waited long enough for Roy to secure him to it before they picked the stokes up and went to the squad.

Marco climbed in first and helped guide the stokes in to the back of the squad as everyone else either watched or helped push the stokes up.

After a minute, Marco said, "Ok. He's up." Before he looked at his shift mates.

None of them needed no further prompting because Chet immediately climbed in and knelt down by Johnny's head while Roy jumped in to the driver's seat of the squad and fired it up.

Cap and Mike however ran for the engine and fired it up as well.

Within seconds both vehicles were going as fast as they dared along the rolling sand of the desert, heading back to the small town of Ambrosia.


	5. Bad News

**The Hard Decision**

Chapter Five: Bad News

The ride to the Ambrosia hospital took only twenty minutes because ones the squad and engine hit solid ground they increased their speed exponentially.

Pulling to a stop, Roy had jumped out and rushed to the back, assisting Chet and Marco with getting the stokes down and inside the building where a small team of doctors were waiting, having already been in contact with Rampart Emergency via the land line.

Smoothly Roy, Chet and Marco placed Johnny's stokes on a gurney before stepping back, allowing the three doctors to swarm over Johnny; taking his vital signs and asking a bunch of questions.

Roy answered the barrage of questions as best he could as he followed the doctors down the hall to the first treatment room, which was one of two treatment rooms that the hospital had.

"Heart rate's increasing and pulse is dropping!" A doctor warned as his friends unstrapped Johnny from the stokes and transferred him to the treatment room bed.

"Damn it! Get that portable x-ray in here now!" The first doctor ordered, while the second doctor ordered a nurse to get Johnny typed and crossed matched before setting him up with another IV to help counter the shock that was still setting in.

The third doctor quickly got Johnny patched in to the EKG so if he quickly went south on them, they'd be able to act quickly to try and bring him back.

Seconds that seemed like minutes ticked by before the x-ray machine was brought in.

Setting it up, the doctor took a series of x-ray's of Johnny's head, chest and back before ordering that the x-ray's be developed 'on the double.'

Beginning to get the impression that the doctors wanted him out, but were to busy to tell him to leave, Roy turned and left the room.

Outside, leaning against the far wall were Chet, Marco, Mike and Cap.

"How is he, Roy?" Cap asked.

"They're still trying to stabilize him." Roy replied, joining his friends.

"Roy, how much of a chance do you think he's got?"

Roy blinked once before he turned to face Chet, who had his patented 'terrified' look on his face.

"Are you giving up on him already, Chet?" Roy asked.

"No I…just want to be realistic!" Chet replied.

Sighing, Roy said, "He's got about a thirty percent chance of making a complete recovery. He was caught in an explosion, not to mention being stuck in the desert for a full day with no food or water."

Mike and Marco shook their heads at this knowledge, both men feeling utterly ashamed with themselves.

They both knew that they were as guilty as everyone else when it came to Johnny. To Marco, he felt worse because he had been the one to give the paper to Johnny.

He had been the one to see Johnny's downcast face as he had skimmed the paper that day.

However, Cap felt worse than they all did, because _'he'_ had been the one to order John from the station. Sure he had been angry at the time…they all had been! But, looking back, Cap had seen the truth and the pain in Johnny's eyes as he had squeezed past them, then he remembered the little boy lost look when Johnny had pulled away from the station.

Breaking out of his reverie, Hank caught the tale end of Roy's conversation with Marco.

"…should transfer him to Rampart as soon as he's stable and when he can be moved." Roy had said.

The sound of a squeaking door caused all men to turn and look as the three doctors exited the room with downed expressions on all of their faces.

"Oh no…" Chet murmured as Roy went over to the doctors to ask about his partner.

The doctors said something to Roy which caused him to pale considerably as he took a step back in shock.

The second doctor then reached up and patted Roy's shoulder before he walked off, followed by the two other doctors.

Swallowing, Roy turned back to his friends, the same downcast expression on his face.

"Don't tell me he's dead." Hank said, his voice belaying the fear that he felt for his junior paramedic.

It took Roy a minute to recover his resolve before he said, "No, he's…not dead but…"

"But what?" Mike asked.

"He's paralyzed; maybe permanently." Roy finished.

Everyone had their mouths open in shock for a minute as they digested Roy's words. To them it was crazy to think that their young friend who was always laughing, always smiling, even when being doused with water from one of The Phantom's water bombs, could be paralyzed for any length of time!

"The doctors found a piece of metal in his back near his spinal cord. His spinal cord is still intact, but the metal is somehow affecting it. They think if the metal remains in his back to long it will in fact sever the cord." Roy said.

"So, what are they going to do?" Cap asked.

"They can't operate on him here. They don't have the right equipment, so they are going to transfer him to Rampart." Roy said.

"But…Rampart's three to four hours away, Roy!" Chet exclaimed.

"I know. Plus transferring him in his condition is also risky, but it has to be done if there's any hope of getting the metal out of his back." Roy replied.

Cap looked down for a minute before he looked back up at Roy.

"When are they going to transfer him?" Cap asked.

"They are gassing up an ambulance right now. They said if we wanted to follow along, they'd gas up the squad and the engine as well." Roy said.

"Fine. Roy you ride with Johnny. Marco you bring the squad in behind." Cap ordered.

Both men nodded their heads as two orderlies came towards them, pushing a gurney ahead of them.


	6. Ride Back to Town

**The Hard Decision**

Chapter Six: Ride Back to Town

"Come on buddy…just hang in there." Roy whispered to his partner as they roared down the road, heading for LA…and Rampart General. Behind them Roy could hear the sirens from both the squad and the engine.

Glancing back at his friend, Roy's eyes widened when he saw Johnny's eyes slowly open and fix on him. Though they were glassy with pain, Roy saw that Johnny did indeed recognize him.

"Johnny!" Roy said, relief clear in his voice, however Johnny wasn't glad to see Roy.

The moment his brain registered who he was; everything that had happened came flooding back in to Johnny's mind.

Ignoring the pain that he felt, Johnny tried to get up but found that he couldn't.

A confused and panicked look came over his features as his gaze landed on his legs.

Seeing this, Roy guessed he knew why Johnny was so worried.

"Johnny…buddy you're paralyzed. We're taking you to Rampart." Roy said, gently patting his partner's hand, but Johnny jerked it back and muttered, "…don't touch me Roy…don't even think about it."

"Johnny…I know you're angry…at all of us. But…I can explain…_we_ can explain!" Roy said.

"…how?...you openly accuse me of…killing that boy…and then you kick me out and lose me my job!" Johnny whispered.

"I know and I'm sorry for that." Roy said, sounding deeply sorry, but Johnny wasn't buying it; not one bit!

" 's…sorry' doesn't cut it roy…not this time!" Johnny weakly whispered, trying his best to stay awake so he could rant at his ex best friend.

"Johnny when we…when Dr. Brackett told us what really happened, all of us: Cap, me, Marco, Chet and Mike were deeply embarrassed at what we did to you. We immediately started to search for you to tell you how sorry we were. Sad to say that it took us this long to find you." Roy said.

"..s…shouldn't have gone to the trouble…you should have just…let me die." Johnny whispered.

To this Roy shook his head and said, "No Johnny…I'd kill myself if I let that happen, and I know that everyone else feels the same way."

"..y…yeah right…you're just sayin' that…" Johnny whispered before he grimaced, obviously in pain.

"Johnny…what can I do to make this right?" Roy asked, leaning closer to his partner.

"n…nothin' roy…there's nothin' that you can do that'll make this right." Johnny whispered before he closed his eyes and simply stopped breathing!

Roy just sat there for a few seconds as his mind struggled to register what had just happened, however when it did he snapped in to action, quickly beginning CPR while he yelled at one of the attendants in the ambulance to contact Rampart and update them.

After 30 compressions Roy grabbed the oxygen and gave Johnny 2 quick breaths, making sure his chest expanded, before he went back to the compressions.

He did this 5 times before he stepped back and patched Johnny up to the EKG.

Then he resumed CPR, never giving up on his partner.

'_Come on Junior! Don't you dare do this to me; your partner and your best friend!'_ Roy thought, while a small voice in the back of his mind said, _"Some best friend. You might as well be responsible for this; if you hadn't agreed with everyone else then Johnny might not be in this position right now!"_

A tap on Roy's shoulder brought him out of his reverie.

Looking to the monitor he was alarmed to see that it showed a flat line.

Quickly he grabbed the paddles for the defibrillator; quickly putting the gel on and rubbing them together while the attendant in back who was helping him charged up the defibrillator.

Smoothly Roy placed them on Johnny's chest area and zapped him; watching as his body arched up.

Eyes going to the monitor, Roy saw that there was no conversion.

"Charge!" Roy yelled, waiting until the machine charged again before giving Johnny another shock…this one being about as helpful as the last one!

Putting the paddles down, Roy grabbed the biophone which he had placed in there before they had left the hospital.

In record time he had it set up; the receiver in his hand.

Putting it to his ear he said, "Rampart this is ambulance 19. Rampart this is ambulance 19, do you read?"

While he waited for a response he quickly took John's vitals; jotting him down in his little notebook while Dr. Early's voice came over the line.

"Ambulance 19 this is Rampart. Go ahead." Joe said.

"Rampart, victim has stopped breathing. Have defibrillated twice with no conversion."

Next Roy told Rampart the vitals while he waited for Rampart to get back to him. Even through all this he never stopped CPR.

"Ambulance 19, suggest you use Sodium Bicarbonate; 50 ML's and defibrillate again." Dr. Early said.

"10-4" Roy replied before he grabbed the sodium bicarb from the drug box and administered it to Johnny.

He was a bit surprised that he didn't have to start it in an IV, but he trusted the doctor.

Next he grabbed the paddles and waited the four seconds for them to recharge.

When they had done so, Roy placed them on Johnny before zapping him again.

Looking towards the EKG, Roy saw that it wasn't a flat line but it wasn't sinus rhythm either.

Grabbing up the biophone he reported this to Dr. Early who instructed him to use some adrenaline and then defibrillate again.

Smoothly Roy did this and applied the paddles again, hoping against hope that it would work.

Depressing the buttons, Roy watched Johnny's body arch up before his eyes went to the monitor.

Relief showed on his face when he saw that Johnny was back in to sinus rhythm…at least for the moment.

"He's back in to sinus rhythm Rampart. ETA is two hours." Roy said.

"Understood, Ambulance 19. Update us every 30 minutes or sooner if you have problems again." Dr. Early said.

"10-4." Roy said before he put the biophone down in its case.

'_Johnny'_ he thought as he worked to clean up all of the wrappers from the medicine he had used, _'You have just successfully shaved off a good ten years off my life; those ten years which I can't spare!'_

Once everything was cleaned up, Roy focused his attention once again on his partner, hoping against hope that using the defibrillator had not done more damage to his back.


	7. Note to the readers of The Hard Decision

**A/N: **After giving it some thought I have decided to continue my work on this story, however I have felt that some things do need to be changed so I have completely changed the last half of Chapter 7, and I am going to completely redo chapter 8…and write more chapters to this.

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back in to this, but I just haven't been in the mood. But now I'm back. Not sure for how long, but as of now I am back and am taking suggestions on other stories of mine that I could continue on or redo.

Signed,

Numb3rsfan


	8. The Waiting Game REWRITE

**The Hard Decision**

Chapter Seven: The Waiting Game

_Tick Tock…Tick Tock…Tick Tock…_

Sighing, Roy glanced up at the wall clock before he looked down the hall towards the elevators which led to the operating room at Rampart General.

Ambulance 19 had arrived at Rampart 5 hours ago, and almost immediately Johnny had been taken to surgery.

At an estimate, Roy would have guessed that Johnny had only spent 15 minutes in the emergency room before being taken up.

"Any news?"

Turning his head, Roy saw Dixie McCall standing in front of him, her hands in her white uniform pockets.

"You tell me." Roy replied.

"Sorry, I don't know anything other than he was taken to surgery. I was on an emergency call in Tri-State County, so I wasn't here when he was brought in." Dixie replied regretfully as she took a seat beside Roy.

"He was in real bad shape when we got here Dixie. One minute he was fairly stable and then the next minute…it's like…I don't know. It's like he doesn't want to live anymore. Back in the ambulance, I tried to apologize to him but…he wouldn't listen." Roy said.

"Did you really expect him to just forgive and forget, Roy? One thing I've learned about him is he's very sensitive about a lot of things…especially his friends. He may act like he's a happy go-lucky guy but deep down he hides his true feelings from the world as if he's too afraid to share them with anyone. And if you are one of the fortunate few whom Johnny considers to be his friend well…that's not something to take lightly." Dixie stated before offering Roy a small smile.

While they had been talking, the elevator doors had opened and a very tired, very sweaty looking Dr. Brackett came out and made his way over to them.

Catching sight of him, Roy immediately stood up.

"How is he, Dr. Brackett?" Roy questioned, hoping against hope that Dr. Brackett came bearing good news.

"We removed the shrapnel from his back and repaired what damage we could Roy." Dr. Brackett replied.

"So he's going to get better?"

"I wish I could offer you that option, but I can't. I have done everything medically possible to help him, but the rest has to come from him. If Johnny doesn't have the will and determination to live…well…I'm not going to sugar coat this for you…he's going to die, Roy."

Roy was dumbfounded when Dr. Brackett finished speaking.

He knew that from what little Johnny had been able to say, that the determination and will to live was in short supply…at least where Johnny was concerned!

"C…can I see him?" Roy muttered.

"In a few hours, Roy. Right now he's in recovery. We'll let you know when he's in a room." Kel said.

"Thanks." Roy replied, before he turned away from Kel and Dixie and headed down the hall to inform the rest of Station 51.

_EMERGENCYEMERGENCYEMERGENCYEMERGENCYEMERGENCYEMERGENCY_

With a grunt, John Gage woke up to find himself on a small playground. An old, discolored basketball goal stood off to one side, and all around it was a crude, chalk-drawn court.

Picking himself up, it took the young man a few seconds to realize that this court was the same court on the reservation where he had grown up! The only question was: why was he here?

Suddenly a sharp pain made itself known in his chest and arm. Glancing down, John saw his swollen and slightly deformed arm.

It was then that he remembered the fight that he had had with the reservation kids. They were angry as always that he was half white and Indian, and for that reason they had beaten him up…pretty badly this time.

'_Huh, I dunno if I'd rather be here or at Rampart.'_ Johnny thought to himself, for he remembered some of what had happened to him.

He remembered the fire, the child and the hurtful things that Roy and the rest of his _'friends' _had said to him. He also remembered the explosion, crawling around in the desert and Roy's finding him.

That particular life didn't sound all that appealing to him, but of course, neither did this one, in which he was sporting some bruised ribs and of course, a broken arm.

"But what am I doing here?" He asked himself, not fully understanding why he was here at this point and time.

"Are you serious? You haven't figured it out, yet?"

Turning around, Johnny saw his childhood friend…in fact his only childhood friend, Lucas standing right behind him. But that was impossible because the young boy had been killed by accidently being shot with a gun.

"L…Lucas? B…y…you're dead!" Johnny exclaimed…taking a step or two back from the child.

"Johnny, if you haven't noticed, you're back on the reservation…two months before my accident would have happened." Lucas said.

"I know that Luke…but why? Why am I here? Last I remember I was yelling at Roy in the back of an ambulance." Johnny replied.

"It's because you are being given a second chance…to prove yourself. You can continue on, have things happen they way the did in the past. You'll grow up, become a brilliant paramedic and then be dismissed in shame when that boy dies…or you can change it. Who knows; one thing different right here on the reservation could affect the outcome of the fire in the future." Lucas said.

"I don't even know if I want to be a paramedic anymore. A lot of people would be a lot happier if I just stayed on the reservation and steered clear of the LA fire department." Johnny mumbled, half turning away from his friend.

"There are a lot of people out there who think just the opposite. The people who wouldn't even be alive today if it wasn't for your quick thinking. If you don't join the fire department, then there will be no one to save them."

"Oh come on Luke! Roy and all the other guys could get them out just as well as…" Johnny began, but Lucas cut him off with, "Roy and the other men of 51 wouldn't be there because for one the paramedic bill wouldn't pass because you, Dixie and a few others wouldn't be nagging Dr. Brackett about it, and two…because of someone's careless mistake, station 51 would get destroyed."

"You're just telling me this to convince me that I should get Roy and the rest of those bastards another chance…after they ruined my career and tried to kill me!" Johnny exclaimed.

"No, they didn't try to kill you…you tried to kill you! You are the one who headed out in to the desert. You are the one who didn't keep up with you're vehicle's maintenance so that it overheated and eventually blew up. Don't go pinning that on those men. Besides, it was they who found you and got you to a doctor. They saved you're life." Lucas concluded.

With a sigh Johnny looked down at the ground, not knowing what to do. He knew what Lucas was saying was right, but still he couldn't just forgive and forget!

To bide some time so he could think he asked, "Can I at least get my arm checked out?"

With a smile Lucas nodded his head and led the way to the small doctor's office a half mile down the road.


	9. Forgiveness

THE HARD DECISION

Roy sat down in one of the ICU room's uncomfortable chairs as his blue eyes went to his friend's still, almost lifeless body lying in the hospital bed.

All of the mean things that the guys had said to Johnny over the past several months came rushing back in to Roy's memory, causing the elder paramedic to shut his eyes and hang his head.

What could he say to Johnny that would take away the hurt, pain and the feelings of abandonment and betrayal?  
This wasn't like one of Kelly's practical jokes than one could just blow off...this hurt...this cut was more than just skin deep.

"Johnny I...I know that saying 'I'm sorry' isn't going to be enough to take away all of the hurt and pain that you must be feeling right now. If there was a way that I could turn back time, to stop this from ever happening...to protect you from what happened.  
I would do it. Johnny, I would do it in a heartbeat. But, I can't. And, I know that it's too much to ask for any form of forgiveness,  
but I'm asking anyway Johnny. Please...can you forgive us...forgive me for what I said to you...and what I did to you."

Roy knew that Johnny wouldn't respond, but it seemed to help to just say that and get it off of his chest, and the moment he finished speaking,  
a warm, fuzzy feeling seemed to flow through his heart, almost like a handshake, or a hug.

A small smile crept on to Roy's face. He firmly believed that it was Johnny trying to talk and communicate with him, to let him know that their friendship wasn't broken beyond repair.

"When you wake up, myself and all of the guys will be here. You are never going to be alone...no one deserves to be alone." Roy said.

Johnny had indeed heard what Roy had said...and so had Lucas, but unlike Lucas, Johnny was still skeptical, and the 'warm, fuzzy' feeling that Roy had felt...that was basically Johnny slapping and kicking his 'partner' in the face.

Johnny hated Roy like he hated no other, though he knew that hating Roy was not what Lucas wanted. Lucas seemed to want Johnny to forgive and forget...as usual, but honestly, how could anyone expect Johnny to do that...after everything that had happened.

"John, buddy this has to stop. You can't go on being angry with them. They are trying their best to make amends with you." Lucas said.

The two friends had gotten Johnny's sore arm looked at and were now sitting down under the shade of a rather large tree that was on the reservation.

"Like I care anymore. No one should have a bunch of backstabbers like them as friends." Johnny replied.  
"I seem to remember one time last year that you called those men your family. You said you regarded them all as brothers." Lucas pressed.

"Yeah well I was wrong."  
"I don't think so. Brother's fight all the time...but at the end of the day they are still together...as a family." Lucas said.

He looked out in the distance at the small houses that were around the cool creek that ran through the reservation.  
Johnny followed his gaze for a moment, wondering what was so enteresting.

"Growing up here can be lonely sometimes. I remember you saying that I was your only friend." Lucas said.  
"You are...well...you were." Johnny replied, knowing that the real Lucas was dead and gone.

"I know that LA reminded you of the reservation...no friends, only collegues. Until you met Roy and the rest of the men of Station 51.  
Something was different about them...wasn't it?"

Johnny looked down at the ground before he nodded his head.  
"I...was...actually starting to feel comfortable around them...it was starting to be a family, until they all sucker punched me." Johnny said.  
"Yes they hurt you...they hurt you deeply, but even the deepest wounds can be healed." Lucas said.

Johnny raised his head and looked at his friend; tears shining in his eyes.  
"How? How can things go back to the way they were?"  
"By forgiveness. Forgiveness, faith and trust. It's all there for the taking Johnny, you just need to snatch it up before it gets away." Lucas said.

Nodding his head, Johnny closed his eyes, seeing a bright flash behind his eyes.  
He waited for the light to fade, and once it did, he opened his eyes to find that he was in a hospital bed at what he guessed was Rampart General.

In a chair next to his bed sat his partner, Roy De Soto, with his head down in his hands.

Johnny studied his partner's appearence, noting the wrinkled uniform and pale look to the skin. Roy did indeed look just about as bad as Johnny felt, and it wasn't a good thing.

Opening a mouth that was as dry as the Baja desert, Johnny licked his dry lips before whispering, "Roy...I forgive you."

N/A:

Sorry, didn't mean to make you guys wait so long. I was just suffering from a case of writer's block.  
This story is about finished though. Just about 2-3 chapter's more and it will finally be complete.

Numb3rsfan


	10. Conversations

**The Hard Decision**

"Roy...I forgive you."

Roy jumped back, completely startled. Because he had been seated in the chair, he and the chair had flown backwards and now both were on the floor on the other side of the room.

Picking himself up off the cold floor, Roy dusted himself off before going over to Johnny, who was looking at him with tired, brown eyes.

Johnny was still quite pale, though color was beginning to return to his cheeks.

"Johnny I...uh..." Roy stammered.

It was the first time that he could honestly say that he really didn't know what to say!

Slowly Johnny raised his right hand in the classic 'stop' motion.

"Roy," he whispered, "what's done is done. Stop looking towards the past and look towards the future."

Seeing Johnny's feeble attempt at swallowing, Roy grabbed the water pitcher and the plastic glass.

He poured the cool water in to the glass before placing a straw in the glass.

Next he went back over to Johnny and helped the younger man sip on the glass of water for a few minutes.

Just after Johnny had finished around half of the glass, the door to his ICU room opened and Dr. Kel Brackett entered the room.

Seeing Johnny not only awake but able to drink water...with a little bit of help, brought a genuine smile to Kel's face.

Immediately Kel called for Dixie, who entered the room seconds later, a smile coming to her face as well.

"Well Johnny, you had us all a little worried." Kel said as he checked Johnny's vitals.

Johnny blushed a little before responding, "Sorry doc...didn't mean to."

"It's not your fault Johnny. These things do happen." Dixie said, patting Johnny's arm gingerly.

Johnny grinned a little before his eyes found Roy, who was leaning back against the far wall, giving Kel and Dixie plenty of room to work.

"Roy...could you call the guys? There's something that I need to say to them." Johnny weakly said.

Hearing that, Kel shook his head before Roy could respond one way or the other.

"Not today Johnny. You need to get some rest. You just woke up from being in a coma...not to mention major surgery. Now, your vitals and responses look good, however I do have to ask...do you have any numbness around your appendages or extremities?"

Johnny hesitated a moment, testing his legs, toes, fingers and arms before he shook his head at Dr. Brackett.

"Thankfully no. But you are right...I'm too tired for a little pep talk." Johnny replied, sinking further down in to the bed.

"Well Johnny, when you are ready, me and the guys will be here and listen to what you have to say." Roy said, meaning every word he said.

As he watched Johnny nod his head, close his eyes and fall to sleep, Roy was just so pleased to know that Johnny was no longer in the coma and there was no sign of paralysis because of the shrapnel, though Johnny would have to take it easy, and if anything developed, he might never be able to rejoin the Paramedics.

Seeing Kel gesture towards the door, Roy exited the room, followed by Dixie and Dr. Brackett.

"So, he's out of the woods now, right?" Roy asked, once Johnny's door had closed.

"Not quite Roy, but he had a much better chance now of a full and complete recovery. Excuse me." Kel replied, patting Roy's shoulder for a moment before heading down the hall to check on his other patients.

Roy watched him for a moment before heading off to phone Station 51 and tell them the good news.


	11. Back to Normal Final Chapter

**The Hard Decision**

Four days had passed since Johnny had first woken up and spoke those words of forgiveness to Roy.

Now in hind sight, Roy knew that he honestly didn't deserve Johnny's forgiveness, not at any price, but if Johnny was willing to offer it, Roy was willing to take it.

Behind Roy stood the rest of the men off of Station 51's A-Shift, minus newbie Jimmy Craig, though Chet called him 'Bear' because of his mad man handling skills.

Jimmy had been Johnny's replacement, and had seemed happy at Station 51, working with Roy and everyone else, until he had caught on that they were looking to try and get their 'old' paramedic due back together.

Of course Jimmy was hurt, but he was gracious enough to step aside should Johnny want or attempt to come back to Station 51.

Reaching Johnny's room, Roy pushed open the door and walked in, followed by Captain Stanley, Mike Stoker, Marco Lopez and Chet Kelly.

All of them seemed to be extremely nervous, as if they were going to an interview that would change the course of their future, and in a technical sense, one could say that it was true.

In the bed sat their friend Johnny Gage. He did look better than he had just four days ago.

Johnny's skin had taken back it's normal color and he didn't look like he was in pain, but what everyone really noticed were Johnny's eyes as they were directed towards them.

His eyes didn't hold any anger in them at all, just acceptance and regret and longing...longing for what had been and what could be.

"Hey fella's." Johnny said in greeting.

"Johnny," Everyone else echoed nervously.

It was easy for Johnny to see their nervousness and know that they were all frightened of what he could say to them now that they were all in the same room together.

Without saying another word, Johnny gestured to the chairs that a nurse had brought in an hour earlier.

Taking the hint, all of the men sat down in the hard chairs, with Roy taking the chair closest to Johnny's bed.

"Guy's listen...um." Johnny began once everyone had been seated, but before he could go any farther, it was like a dam burst because first Captain Stanley started to speak; to apologize for what had happened, then everyone else chimed in, trying to beg for forgiveness as well.

Once everyone had finally shut up, Captain Stanley explained what had happened after Johnny had left the station.

"We were all so sure of your guilt that we never stopped to question the validity of it all. Then later that night Dr. Brackett came to the station with the boy's autopsy report. Only then did it dawn on us that what you did in that fire was not only the right thing to do, it was the only thing to do. Not only that, when it came to talking with the parents...they accused you of a serious crime and I backed them up. I took their side without stopping to look at the facts which were staring at me right in the face." Hank said.

"Not just you Cap, we all made the same mistake, and Johnny here had to suffer for it." Mike said sorrowfully.

Johnny had listened to what they all had to say, and for the first time he was actually almost in tears, feeling the pain and anguish that was rolling off of the men in waves.

"Guys listen...I can't say that I understand why you all did it. Your lack of faith in me was not only appalling, it was downright painful. I really thought I had screwed up and now had been banished and cut off from the only team...the only family that I had really ever known or had gotten to trust." Johnny began.

Hearing the words family and trust, all of the men hung their heads in shame, knowing that what Johnny was saying was true.

"But you all turned right around and came after me, I mean you could have left me out there to die, but you didn't. You all saved my life and I was too sore and bitter to see it. Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes guts to admit when you are wrong, and to try and correct that mistake, which is what you all are trying to do.

"It will take awhile to rebuild the trust that had been between us all, but I am willing if you all are." Johnny said.

At that, all of the men looked up as smiles came to their faces, knowing that they all had been forgiven.

Rising from their seats they all went over to Johnny and gave him handshakes and pats on the shoulder while quickly agreeing to try and rebuild the trust that had once been there.

"So what poor guy was stuck working with you all while I was gone?" Johnny asked, once the celebration had died down.

"Jimmy Craig. He's pretty good for a new guy but he's no Johnny Gage." Marco said with a smile.

"I think Jimmy knows or has guessed what may happen, he told me yesterday that should Johnny want to come back, he'd request a transfer to another station." Hank said.

All eyes turned towards Johnny as the younger of the grand paramedic duo digested the information without a word spoken.

Finally he looked up at Captain Stanley before he nodded his head towards him.

"Don't worry. As long as I have a job, Station 51's my home away from home." he replied.

At that, Chet got a quizzical look on his face before he asked, "I thought Rampart was your home away from home?"

Not two seconds after those words left his mouth, Chet seemed to find himself backing up as everyone else gave him a dirty look.

Johnny however just smiled, knowing things would one day get back to normal.

A month later Johnny found himself back in a blue firefighter's uniform, standing by the beloved Squad 51 while he and his partner checked the drug box and preformed the morning radio check.

It was his first day back on the job and so far it had been great. No one was walking on eggshells around him, though they weren't being their annoying selves either!

"Feel good to be back?" Roy asked as he sealed the drug box and handed it to Johnny who stowed it away in the side compartment of the squad.

"Sure is. To tell you the truth I kinda missed it." Johnny replied, turning back to face Roy.

All of a sudden the tones sounded, causing Johnny and Roy to stand still and listen.

"**STATION 51, CAR IN POOL AT THE COLLEGE. 902 GLEASON...NINE ZERO TWO GLEASON. CROSS STREET JACKSON. TIME OUT 9:42."**

Johnny and Roy both jumped in the squad, immediately putting their helmet's on while Cap replied to the dispatch and quickly wrote the address down on two sheets of paper.

Smoothly he handed one of the sheet's to Roy, who then passed it on to Johnny.

Outside the squad, Marco had hit the button for the door which caused it to begin the sequence which would open the door, while he ran back to Big Red and jumped in, securing his turn out coat and helmet while Mike fired up the engine and followed the squad out of the bay.

As the familiar sirens sounded in Johnny's ears, a small smile came to his face.

Yes, things would return to normal, this was his team...his family...and he wouldn't have it any other way.

THE END

A/N: Thanks for sticking with this story, and for those of you who hounded me to finish it. Your hounding is much appreciated. Next to be completed is: Bullet, and by special request Childhood Disease. If there are other Emergency stories that you would like to see completed, just drop me a line. And please don't forget to review this final chapter, thanks a lot for reading and for sending me all of the reviews that are already there. Reviews are one thing that keeps me going!

Numb3rsfan


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